I’m an HSP therapist and knowing whether you’re an HSP doesn’t matter
Hello! I’m Bronwyn, therapist for women and HSPs throughout Massachusetts, Wisconsin, and Washington, DC. Previously I wrote about why knowing you’re an HSP matters. All of that remains true.
Yet, it’s also true that you don’t have to know whether you’re Highly Sensitive.
I think both are true: it matters and it doesn’t. Both - And. (Therapists are kind of known for talking about the “both - and.”) Things are not one or the other most of the time. Same with knowing whether you’re an HSP or not. For many reasons, it’s extremely important that you know! However, it’s not essential that you know. Today I’ll take on the other side, the one that says it doesn’t matter whether you know whether you’re Highly Sensitive.
Recap: Does knowing you’re an HSP matter?
Absolutely! I do still believe this. Dr. Elaine Aron and many others have conducted years of research on the topic which has greatly benefitted HSPs. One of the reasons that it matters whether you know you’re Highly Sensitive is that sometimes having a label, putting a name to an experience, can be immensely helpful. You know you’re not alone. You know whatever you’re experiencing is “a real thing.” The characteristics and gifts of HSPs are typically looked down on in western culture. This means HSPs often experience a lot of shame for the way they operate. Knowing that High Sensitivity means your brain is different has the potential to reduce any shame associated with who you are.
In the case of the HSP trait, knowing what your needs are can change your life. You might have a general sense of what you need in order to thrive. But reading about the research might give you more ideas, or greater permission, to get those needs met. And getting your needs met could decrease what might look like depression or anxiety. Further, if your therapist understands that High Sensitivity is a trait, they could understand you better.
Challenge: Labels (HSP and otherwise) are complicated
However - and this is a pretty big however - I think any label is complicated. Your therapist should be able to understand your experience whether or not they have the HSP trait attached to it. Because you will experience High Sensitivity differently than anyone else. And you don’t want to be pigeonholed.
If you find yourself depleted, when does it happen?
What helps you restore yourself?
Being familiar with the HSP trait gives you the opportunity to ask those kinds of questions. On the other hand, it doesn’t give you the answers to those specific questions. You could ask them whether or not you knew you were Highly Sensitive.
I mentioned HSPs and social anxiety when I talked about why it’s important to understand whether you’re Highly Sensitive or not. It’s a common myth that being Highly Sensitive means you’re socially anxious. HSPs can experience social anxiety, and you want your therapist to know the difference. However, sometimes it’s hard to parse out the difference. And you will also want your therapist to be very curious about your particular experience.
If your therapist knows a lot about HSPs but isn’t interested in the ways that you experience the trait, it probably won’t matter very much that your therapist knows about the HSP trait. If your therapist is good at being attuned and interested in understanding the complexities of your experience, you may not need a therapist who knows a lot about the HSP trait.
Why it doesn’t matter if you know you’re Highly Sensitive
Ultimately, my goal is that it doesn’t matter whether you’re an HSP, because I want you to be able to claim your needs regardless of the reason. Overwhelmingly, HSPs find that labeling their HSP trait, and knowing the science behind it, gives them more freedom to claim what it is that they need. Yet, I want you to be able to claim whatever need you have, regardless of whether you’re Highly Sensitive and whether the need is backed up by science.
You are the expert of yourself.
You don’t need research to verify your assessment of your own needs. If you need more down time, I don’t care whether you’re an HSP, I want you to take the down time! If you need to take a lot of time for transitions, I don’t care whether you’re an HSP, I want you to take it!
Especially for HSP women, it’s an uphill climb to claim your needs because society tells you that you aren’t allowed to have needs. (Talk about an impossible situation!) Although knowing you’re Highly Sensitive can help bolster your resolve to meet your needs, you don’t need to know you’re an HSP to claim your needs.
Why does it matter to you that you’re Highly Sensitive? Why doesn’t it matter?
What is it that you need? What’s in the way of you claiming it? What will help you get that need met?
About the Author
I’m a therapist for women and Highly Sensitive people and owner of Bronwyn Shiffer Psychotherapy. I love supporting women and HSPs to explore, name, and claim their needs.
I want you to claim yours!
In addition to HSP therapy, I also provide anxiety counseling and therapy for depression. I offer online therapy in Massachusetts including Greater Boston, virtual therapy in Wisconsin, and telehealth therapy in Washington, DC.