Therapy for Anxiety

Anxiety feels like

Your stomach is in knots (not butterflies). Overthinking. Second guessing. Distracted. Overplanning. Unsettled. Overthinking. Being irritated (sometimes for no apparent reason). Overthinking. Overanalyzing. Feeling on edge. (Did I mention overthinking?)

Anxiety means that you worry. A lot. So much so that you don’t even notice it most of the time, it just feels like your baseline, the norm, like breathing.

You try to make everything perfect. And, maddeningly, it feels like everything you do is wrong. You are certain that there is only one right answer (and it feels impossible to find it). You follow all the rules, meticulously. If you don’t, it feels like the world will fall apart. (Even if there aren’t any actual rules.) Asking permission? You’re a pro at it. You need to, otherwise you will find yourself in the terrible position of having made the wrong decision. 

Decision-making is excruciating. The overthinking we talked about earlier? Yes, that. All the time. What if it’s the wrong decision? What if I find out later it wasn’t the right thing to do? What if they get mad at me? What if I end up hurting someone? What if I regret it later?

You feel like you are not enough. That nagging feeling that there’s always something more you could be doing. The checklist is never done. (All of which feels a lot like anxiety’s close cousin, self-doubt and depression.)

Anxiety makes things feel out of control 

So much of your life feels out of control when anxiety is front and center. It feels like the storms keep coming, the rain won’t let up. Like you’re at the whim of those around you. You have trouble sleeping. Night-time brings out all the fears. And it’s hard to dispel them when you’re tired, and want to sleep, and meditation for anxiety makes it worse…Everyone else is sleeping (why can’t you?).

You know the coping skills for anxiety

It’s not that you’re not resourceful. You know how to research. You’ve tried apps, internet searches. Belly breathing, deep breathing, box breathing. You’ve learned to put your hand on your belly, feel it rising and falling. You can bring your attention to your breath, and get yourself back in the present. (It does help, really. But not as much as you want it to.)

Distraction, grounding, you have lots of tools for anxiety. Some you do in secret and feel ashamed afterwards (online shopping). Some are socially acceptable but leave you dissatisfied (scrolling instagram). When you’re really on your game you can pull out all the skills. Exercise, counting backwards from 100. Noticing how you are supported by your chair, the ground. Being outside and watching the blue sky, hearing the birds sing, feeling the sun on your face. Noticing the edge of your water bottle and how it is smooth, and cool. 

You’ve read books that tell you to talk back to your anxiety. (And you do!) Some of them tell you the anxiety will always be with you. (To be human is to experience anxiety. But your anxiety doesn’t always have to be as intense as you feel now.) Writing about your anxiety can be helpful and sometimes leaves you feeling more alone and angry. 

You’ve tried long-term coping strategies for anxiety

You know the long term anxiety strategies: deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga. You might do them when you can. (It’s hard to be consistent, no shame!) Progressive muscle relaxation helps sometimes, but is hard to do regularly. You’ve tried the body awareness of tension and softening. You know the research that proves that over time PMR can support your shoulders to feel less like rocks, and can help you sleep. But when you actually take time to try it, your anxiety flares up in the silence. It’s so hard to tolerate that you find yourself going back to doing something “productive” like doing the laundry. (But you don’t feel that much better anyway.)

Moving your body through things like yoga can feel grounding too, as long as it’s not activating your inner critic. Focusing on the way a stretch feels, or how to stay balanced, is its own distraction and grounding. Morning yoga for energizing, evening yoga for calming. Yet again, you find your mind chastising you for taking time away from something “real.” After feeling bad about yourself, you look to instagram for comfort. (But it doesn’t last.)

Counseling for anxiety can help the anxiety let up

Anxiety does not have to rule your life

Will your anxiety ever go away? A lot of it, yes! All of it? Not quite - to be human means you will experience some anxiety. Dealing with anxiety is a long term process. But the level at which you experience it, and the way you respond and recover from it - these are things that can improve.

There is always something underneath the anxiety 

You may have gotten great coping skills for anxiety and long term coping strategies for anxiety from previous therapists, or books, and these are so important! You use them all the time. And, you find yourself frustrated that you’re not getting to the root of your anxiety. 

This is where therapy comes in. Therapy gives your brain the space to unpack the anxiety. (This might feel scary and threatening!) Like unraveling a ball of yarn, we look at every string together, and see how it might be connected to other pieces of string, or might have gotten all knotted up or caught on something. 

Working with an anxiety therapist is a way to nurture your resilience

The wind doesn't have to knock you over every time a storm comes. Our time together will unearth the pieces of strength and control that feel buried. Together we will nurture your fierce resilience.